Break It In, Keep Us Safe

What I never understood was this: how I could be so successful at all aspects of my life in terms of school, work and relationships and still have such disappointed parents. I gave up a long time ago trying to gain their approval and it pissed them right off. It didn't take me long to realize that you can take away their power when you stop looking to them.

I'm sick of dumb rules and false accusations. I don't even bother to talk to them about anything and they know better than to ask me about my life now. And if I weren't in such a tricky financial situation, I would pack all my things and move out west far away from everyone.

For the longest time I'd look in the mirror and just think that I was so ugly. I mean how ridiculous is that, that I let someone convince me that? And how afterwards everything that followed after was just a result of wanting people to just like me?

And you know I thought your current circle of friends was supposed to reflect your ego. I thought they'd be a reflection of who you are and what state of mind you're in. But I look at everyone and I can't help but wonder why I'm still unhappy after two years of being out of high school. Why do I continue to settle of mediocrity and stick around the negative people? I should have tossed you guys long ago. I don't need that negativity in my life anymore.

I just want a group of friends who I can relax with. Who are fun and make me happy and are always up to doing things with me. I want people who aren't so uptight or pressed for change and don't mind going out now and then but if we had to stay in that's cool too. I want them to be beautiful inside and out and I want nothing but mutual love and respect.

You wouldn't believe it but I was actually in a good mood today. I had a meeting and went to work and I was actually praised for what I managed to accomplish. And then I go home and there's just always someone there who wants to knock me down a peg.

It's fucking unnecessary. There's no need.