It's like all of a sudden you're sleepwalking through life. People are talking to you and their words can't reach you anymore. You're looking around and staring at all these familiar faces but you don't feel like you're in familiar places anymore.
I know I'm starting to feel bad again. Very bad again. I'm avoiding people, avoiding going out, and feeling generally unattached to everything. I feel like I've got to break everything, walk away and start anew. But I know that I won't feel any better after that either, because I've tried and failed.
I am surrounded by so much love, but why do I feel like none of that love can reach me now, reach me where I am and where I've put myself? And as time passes by I know things will only get worse the longer I try to stick it out. The longer I avoid dealing with all the things that are bothering me, the creeping suspicions, ill feelings and general irritability and instability.
There just needs to be a light that I can stand under. A sun so bright I can feel the warmth and the glow of it as my tears dry off and the pain melts under. It's only been a month, but I feel like a month is almost too much. I can barely handle it.
Every single time I start to stare off into the distance I'm seeing Fairy Lake, I'm seeing me running away and I'm seeing me in trouble.
I think I'm in trouble.
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