You Are The Reason Why I Wait

I made a big mistake. I thought I was different, and was going to do things my way, and that would be just fine. But it's not.

Every time, I'm given a false hope. A hope that is not there. And tonight I realized, that it doesn't matter how much you miss someone, or love someone, because sometimes that love just can't reach them. There's a wall you can't pierce through. You can long for brighter days from the past, relive through each memory and flip through all the photographs, but in the end you're exactly where you left off.

I have trouble accepting uncertainties. I feel the need to think over every detail in my head, fully embrace it. I feel the need to fix things. I feel like I can always fix things, or fix people. But this time, I need to learn that nothing can be fixed.

Our relationship is too damaged. Or maybe I'm too damaged - it's overwhelming. I feel cheated. I feel used. I feel the need to blame myself. To blame everyone else.

The thing about being a frequent traveller, is that when you really want to get away from things, you feel you need to go further and further across the globe. I don't want to push it. Some nights I wanted to run away. But in reality that's not what I really want. I just want to get out of my skin.

I want to move forward, finally.