It's easier to tell myself I was never in love because it's easier to pretend like it was all a bad dream. But I've been lying and denying. Love feels different every single time, through and through.
And it's true, it will be a long time before I forget about all the things I love about you. It will be a long time before little things in life will trigger memories, until I feel like we are no longer connected. But one day the grass will be grass - I won't think of walks through the forest, hiking for hours and exploring hills or the view from your bedroom window. And when I smell wood smoke I won't think of all the fires, I won't think of the sun setting and I will forget about your orange sweater. I will forget.
This will be buried behind us.
My forgiveness is not a signal of defeat, or of an inferior and weak mind. My kindness to you is not an indication that I still want you in my life. I don't feel the need to hate you to "teach you a lesson," because it is not my responsibility to teach you anything in life. I owe you nothing.
You didn't ruin me, you didn't make me miserable, and I'm not pining this relationship on you as a failure. We did not fail.
I want to go through life and make as few enemies as possible, and not because I feel like I have to give a part of me away to everyone I meet so they'll accept me. I think a lot of you have me misunderstood. I'm not being easy.
I forgive because I love each and everyone one of you, all the memories, the conversations and the moments. I am so thankful to have you all in my life. In a time where I would reach around and feel nothing but the cold, now there are wonderful hands waiting to hold mine. To guide me.
I'm skipping over the bitterness because no one should feel bad anymore.
I love you.
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