Because I don't want to let go of something that I thought was a good thing. Because I hold onto things for far longer than I should, because I believe in people when I shouldn't. Because I can't help myself. Because I want to believe that there is hope.
Because I'm moving on and I know I can't go back.
I've completely lost my voice. Probably too much singing in the shower and smoking in my spare time is the culprit. I have never lost my voice before, and as pathetic as this sounds it kind of scares me. Speech is a powerful thing.
The thing about challenges is that I usually step down. I tell myself I can't do it and that it isn't worth doing. Well what I have found out this week is that both those things are totally wrong, and that I should stop running away. I'm always the one setting out goals and never accomplishing them. This week I accomplished all my goals (hence the burn out and sickness), but I feel good. And now I feel like I can take on more with my life.
There was so much unhappiness before brimming underneath the surface about how things should be done in my life, because nothing was going right. I didn't have a plan or any direction. Now I know what I want, and I suppose it may kill me to stay on this path. Despite seeking out advice in times of turmoil, I've almost never taken any of it to heart unless it agreed with how I felt. I guess I'm stubborn that way, but I guess I've also felt like no one knew me well enough to give me proper advice.
I know what I want now in my life, but I'm hoping that will change. I'm hoping everything will change and stay the same.
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