Every part of me is bruised and poisoned. I can't look either way without seeing a wall I can't climb over. Reality, reality. I had let someone in my life, allowed every bit to fill in all the crevices of my being. Attached myself and breathed in what I believed to be a new part of who I was.
Then things turned sour and people got hurt. Too quickly I tried to put the past behind me, disregard my feelings and believe that if I thought straight, I would leave this hellish place I had once called home. Love. Happiness.
Then slowly I broke, as bits and pieces of me began to fleck off, until I was finally cracking open and falling apart in front of everyone. Admitting my worst fears, my deep sadness, my unrequited yearning.
And I feel repulsive in your wake. Insufficient and incompetent. The soft, comforting words of "don't ever change," feel like a distant memory. A lie, as do the I love you's, as do the I need you's. I'm squinting at you to try and find, to try and see me as you do. I can't see anything, and it's scaring me to death.
I'm heaving my shoulders and letting out cries because this now physically hurts. My world is no longer my own, but shared with and tainted by you. I want to break apart from this world and rebuild my life. It seems silly to run away, but I've been strong for too long and if something doesn't change, l may spiral downwards forever in denial.
I am still torn and divided, and this is eating me alive, kicking and screaming.
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