This Is Letting Go

It's like this huge sore inside of me finally opened and I could feel it all sinking it. Whilst I had one of the worst weeks emotionally, paralleled with the thought that I was the only one suffering, stuck with two who hated me being there.

And I wonder why I allowed myself to feel this way, why I let myself become so weak and gave away my happiness. I shouldn't have done this to myself, I shouldn't have allowed anyone to control how I feel to this utter significance. I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear any of it.

I've been foolish all along, holding steadfast to all the things I believed in - loyalty, true love, respect, honesty. I still believe in all of those things, but now just in a significantly different light and in different people.

So your demons and your nightmares can't haunt you if they can't reach you. So this chapter of my life needs to finally end, and I need to tuck this experience in the furthest corner of my mind from my forward conscious. So I'm not running away, I'm not hiding in the fields hoping to be coaxed out by loving words which are only lies. I am going to, for once in life, put myself first.

Because I feel like I've died, and I need to feel alive again.